Self-respect. The knowledge of one's own worth, valuing one's self; pride
Happiness. state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy
It’s really funny to me, after having read the definitions to each of these terms, that you can have one without the other. Before I read them, if someone had asked me which was more important, I’m pretty sure I would have said that you cannot possibly have one without the other. And the concept of happiness and self respect is something I struggle with so much.
My mother raised me to be a strong woman. She raised me to be independent and to know my own worth as a person, to not depend on anyone. She taught me to especially never depend on a man. So to me, self-respect is the most important thing. I’m sure you know that saying, “You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.” I live by that. I don’t take things lying down, I never let people walk all over me. I used to, but then I learned to love myself and respect myself. I respect myself more than I respect almost anyone else. And I am a happy person. Before today, I thought I was a happy person because I respected myself. After thinking about it for a while though, I realized that while it’s good that I respect myself, it isn’t what makes me happy.
I have a friend who has some serious self-respect issues. She has some abandonment issues due to some family problems and unfortunately it’s carried out into her adult life. She’s chosen someone to love who does not respect her. She does everything for this guy and within the first 6 months of being in a serious relationship with her he cheated on her with her best friend. And she stayed with him. Everything in my body at that time told me to scream at her, that if she had even an ounce of self respect in her body that she would leave him and never speak to him again. She didn’t. She stayed with him and to this day (three years later), although he constantly disrespects her and makes her feel awful, she stays with him. When I ask her why she stays with him after every midnight phone call I get with her crying about how mean he’s been, she replies to me, “Because he makes me happy.” If you were to ask her this question, she would say happiness is more important.
This brings me back to the definition of happiness. Everyone’s idea of what happiness is will be different. My idea of happiness is loving myself and being surrounded by people who love me. While my boyfriend may bring me happiness, he isn’t the only this that determines my happiness. In general, I think people will always at one time or another find happiness. But I don’t think that everyone will find self-respect, which makes it more important. However, the goal should really be to have both because when you have both, I think anything is possible.
It's funny that most of our classmates responded to this prompt. I have looked over many of the blogs and its almost a fifty/fifty response to one and another. I also responded to this blog but I believe you are the first to say that these two ideas should go hand-in-hand.
ReplyDeleteI was also raised by a very strong-willed mother who taught me to be strong and respect myself. I think choosing one over the other has alot to do with how you were raised. Many strong-willed parents raise strong-willed children, not all the time but it is enough to be able to state this sentence. Parents who do not have a strong will like others may have, tend to have children who focus on happiness.
You make a great point about how happiness is different for each and every person. My definition of happiness is being proud to be myself and sure of my path in life. Being fulfilled is part of what contributes to my happiness. I can't have happiness without my self-respect.
About your friend... I have seen many situations like hers. A friend of my family thought that same thing too. Her husband caused her happiness at the cost of her self-respect. But now he caused her young teenage kids to start drinking with him and now she has neither her happiness or self-respect. Happiness comes in cycles with tragedy and that is what many people do not understand.